The Butterfly and the Moth
by plurds
Summary: Even though Eli opened up to Clare about what happened to his girlfriend there is still a berrier between them and he still keeps a very dark secret from her. Review it! Pleassseee! :
1. Chapter 1

**Clare's POV**

"Like I said, I think I deserved less than a B. Mrs. Dawes went really easy on me."

Eli looked at me and shook his head in denial, "No. Your essay was great. You're too hard on yourself. Lighten up a little; be confident with your writing." I rolled my eyes, "Oh alright Dr. Phil"

Eli was right. I just needed to loosen up a little. I was always so stressed about school I never realized what I was doing to myself. We sat at the lunch tables when Adam plopped down on the seat next to me.

"Okay. So tonight, I'm thinking for movie night: comedy or horror? Choose your pick"

Both Eli and I answered at the same time. Of course he said horror. I was a comedy kind of person but if the boys wanted to watch a horror movie it at least had to be a good one.

Eli looked at me with puppy dog eyes. My heart sank. He was just so cute I couldn't stand it. Ever since he opened up to me about Julia I have felt like were growing closer together. I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him but we were just going to ignore it for now, which was extremely hard.

I sighed in defeat, "Okay, okay horror it is…. but it better be a good one not some lame Final Destination or something like that". Adam and Eli gave each other nucks. I gather my food together and stood up, "Okay well see you guys later" I said as I saw Ali walking towards me.

Ali looked nervous, "Claire, come with me to the computer room. I have to print something out". We walked together to the media room. We didn't say much. Ali and I hadn't really been talking. She hung out with Jenna now for some reason and I decided long ago that Jenna and I were not going to talk to each other. We got to the room and she sat at her assigned computer and began typing. I sat on another bouncy ball.

"So what's up with you and Eli?"

"Basically, nothing"

"Yeah…sure"

I looked over at her monitor, "How to deal with morning sickness? What? Ali are you pregnant!" She gave me a guilty look, "No but a friend is". I didn't say anything. I didn't even want to think about that. I looked at my watch. It was almost 1.

"I got to get to my locker, I'll see you later"

I left her and walked to my locker.

As I pulled out my geometry book out Adam came around me and situated himself against the lockers. "So I hope there's not going to be any make sessions during the movie tonight" He smiled, jokingly. "Oh shut up, you know Eli is still being weird about the whole "us" thing" I said. He pushed my locker closed for me, "Clare, Eli sometimes needs a push." I wanted for us work out so bad but I didn't want to pressure him. Maybe he didn't like me as much as I thought.

"You know Adam, there is a thing called pushing too hard"

"Not with Eli, trust me"

Adam, I guess, was right. He is one of Eli's good friends. He knows how Eli's mind works, better than I knew at least. "Sure Adam, I'll see what happens. See you tonight. At 7 right?" I asked as I began walking away. "Yeah! See you then!" He called after me.

**Eli's POV**

I waited at my locker for Adam. He always came to meet me here after school had ended. Suddenly saw him stomping down the hall with pissed off scowl. Oh shit, what was the problem now?

"Drew can be so annoying sometimes! I swear!" He yelled, letting out an angry sigh. He looked frustrated and pissed off.

"What did he do this time?"

"Basically, he invited his girlfriend over for OUR movie night. It was just supposed to be us and now they're going to be making out during the whole movie"

I thought about it for a second. Maybe it was better if we had more people over anyways. It defiantly would be less awkward with Clare.

"Adam, its fine. Your brother is cool plus it would probably be better if we more people"

He looked at me with a glare. He gave me his "not having it" look. I shrugged, "What?"

"This has to do with Clare, doesn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know what you're trying to do, Eli. You want more people with us so it won't seem much like a date"

"It's not a date!"

Adam shook his head, "What ever dude, but sometime both you and Clare are going to have to get over this"

Adam didn't understand half of it. It was just complicated. If I did anything to hurt Clare... I don't know what I would do with myself. I felt so protective of her it was like I was fricken Edward Cullen and she was Bella Swan (What a cheesy way of putting it).

"Whatever let's just go alright?" I asked Adam, hoping that his lecturing would stop. Then I saw Clare running down the hall, "Adam! Wait! I have your English notes!" She handed a notebook to him; he took it gratefully. She looked at me with hopefully eyes.

"Soooo… are we still having movie night?"

"Uh yeah…"

"Cool… I'll see you then, Eli"

"Yeah, see ya"

**Clare's POV**

I knocked on Adam's front door expecting Adam to answer it when I found Eli pulling the door open. I had planned on coming over early to talk to Adam more about the Eli thing. That was obviously out of the question now.

"Hey, you're early" I said while stepping inside. He gave me his "Eli Grin", "Well you are too". He seemed quieter than usual. He kind of ignored me while leading me into the kitchen. Adam was opening up a package of popcorn. "Oh hey Claire!" Adam exclaimed while smiling. Then Drew came into the kitchen with Alli following him.

"Alli? What are you doing here?" I asked. Another surprise tonight was just full of surprises. Adam rolled his eyes, "My brother invited him".

We began watching the movie. Of course Alli and Drew were cuddled up on the lounger. Adam sat in the recliner chair. Eli and I sat on the sofa. It was the most awkward thing ever. I would say we sat close together but he seemed like he was so tense. During the movie I gave Adam, "help me out here!" glances from time to time but like the boy he is, he ignored it.

I had my arms crossed but then at one scary moment I griped onto the couch and by accident I had grabbed Eli's hand. He pulled his hand away so fast I couldn't even say I was sorry. He got up, a tad bit flustered, "I'm going to uhhh get some popcorn… Adam you want to help me out?". Adam looked at him with confusion, "Um, alright sure" He paused the movie and Eli and him left the room.

Alli and Drew were basically making out.

"Alli!" I whispered as loud as I could. She looked over at me with annoyance. Drew got up, "I'll go uh help the other guys" and he left.

"Alli, something is wrong with Eli. He has never acted like this before with me"

"Why don't you talk to him? You're never going to know what's up until you ask him"

She was right. I hated that. I got up off the couch walked right into the kitchen and stood there in the doorway for a second watching the boy whisper. I cleared my throat. The boys automatically left the room but Eli stayed.

"What's going on?" I asked him trying to hide my emotion. He bowed his head, staring down at his shoes. He looked into my eyes. I felt the chills down my back, "Look Clare," He said "I like you a lot. I just don't want to hurt you. I know people think things about us. I don't care what people say about me but I don't people hurting you because of me"

I looked at him with confusion. What was he saying? He made no sense.

"I know what you're trying to do, Eli. You're pushing me out again. You need to let me help you deal with your problems". He walked slowly up to me and place his hand on my shoulder, "I'm trying to protect you" He whispered as he looked down into my eyes. I wanted so much to just clasp my hands around his face and kiss his lips. I placed my hand on his cheek, "I don't need any protecting. I'm a strong girl".

He gently grabbed my hand removing it from his cheek, "Yes, you are." He smiled. His smile made me smile a bit. It lit up a light in my heart or so that's what it felt like but then his smile faded, "But even though you may not need protection from others you will still need protection from me" He walked out of the kitchen leaving me there by myself.

The rest of the night I said nothing to the others. After the movie we played Life but I sat out and just watched. From time to time Eli would look at me with hopeful eyes but I ignored him. I was done with his little games, if he didn't want me around then that was fine. Around 10 o'clock we called it a night.

"You need a ride home?" Eli asked me as I sat on the porch. This guy couldn't take a hint, huh?

"No. I'm fine. My mom is going to come to get me."

He shook his head, "No, text your mom and tell her you have a ride home. I can take you" He pulled my arm, pulling me up and we walked to the hearse. We got in the car, buckled ourselves in and left Adam's. It was pretty quiet and I didn't make any eye contact with him. After a while he spoke up.

"So is going to be like this? You're going to play the silent treatment game?"

"Eli, stop trying to be the man. I'm sick of your crap"

"MY crap! Wow, Clare. Nice."

I sat up in the seat and looked at him for the first time.

"Yeah, you know what Eli, you can find some other girl to play protector with because I'm so done with being treated like a child. You're almost as bad as K.C."

Fortunenatly we made it to my house so I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I watched as Eli sped off in the hearse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Eli's POV**

I sped down the street. I knew I was way over the speed limit but at this point it didn't matter to me if I got a ticket or not. I was angry; why I was angry I didn't know. It was better that I stayed away from her and better yet, she stayed away from me. Maybe this was the right thing for us. She being angry and not talking to me is better than me hurting her.

I pulled the car into the dark driveway, I saw my dad standing on the porch smoking. That was obviously new, he usually just smoked inside. He never cared about my risk for second hand smoke…. Well he never cared about anything. I pulled myself out of the car and I heard him mumbling.

"Where you been boy?" He growled, "It's almost 10:30"

A red flashing light went off in my head that told me is angry. I tried to play it cool.

"I was just over at Adam's. We have this huge test on Monday and we were studying for it." I said as I passed by him, and entering the house. He followed me like stink on shit.

"didn't I tell you to be home by 9?"

I started to walk up the stairs and he grabbed me by the shoulder, with a strong grasp.

"Don't you walk away when I'm talking you!"

I tried to shake him off but he tightened his grasp and pulled my whole body back, causing me to fall to the floor. My head hit the wall. I felt pain rushing down from my head to my body. My dad stood there looking down at me with a scowl.

"You're just like your mother, you know that. You just can't follow the rules"

He gave me this disgusted look as if I was filth and I was. I slowly pulled myself up and limped up the stairs.

"You come home by 9'oclock now! You hear!" I heard him yell as I got to the top of the stairs. I got into my room and sprawled myself on my bed.

"You're filth Eli" I whispered to myself, "You don't deserve anything, not even the girl you like"

I thought about Clare and how she was upset when I dropped her off. She wouldn't understand. No one would. My life was just too complicated.

**Clare's POV**

The morning after was one of the hardest mornings I had ever had in my life. I cried myself to sleep. I thought about just calling Eli and apologizing for being a complete idiot but I didn't. I woke up around 10 and when I came down stairs into the kitchen my mom and dad were arguing about something, again.

"It's Saturday, and you're going to work!"

"If I don't get this paper in it will affect my job performance and then who will support our family?"

My dad grabbed his brief case off the counter and zoomed past me. My mom looked upset. I gave her a pat on the back.

"Don't worry mom, it will be okay"

She gave me a little hopefully smile, "Yeah" She pulled me out a bowl and I poor some frosted cheerios in the bowl then I filled it with milk. She quietly sipped her coffee

"So how was Friday night?"

I really didn't want to answer that question. I knew it would make me think about Eli and what happened. "It was fine" I replied. She got the hint I didn't want to talk about it. "Okay Clare, I have errands to do today so I'm going to go get dressed" she said while walking up the stairs. I heard my phone buzz. It was incoming text. It was Adam.

"Have u seen Eli?" It read.

I didn't reply. I just placed my phone down on the counter. "I'm done with him" I told myself. My phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID and it was Adam…again.

"UGH! WHAT!" I answered a little angry. I didn't mean for it to sound that way.

"Whoa! Dude! Chill! Have you seen Eli today? You were the last to see him last night. He won't answer any of my calls or texts. I even went to his house. He's not there"

"I don't know Adam, sorry'

"Why am I getting the feeling that you don't care where Eli is?"

"Adam, honestly, I don't right now. I have to deal with other things"

There was silence for a couple seconds.

"Oh well, alright. I guess I will see you on Monday" He sounded shocked.

I ended the call. I knew I sounded harsh but I wasn't in the mood to worry about Eli. That was probably exactly what Eli wanted me to do; one of his twisted games. He was a big boy and he could take care of himself. There was doubt about it.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful. I did nothing except do my homework and hang out with my mom. On Saturday night, we watched sappy chick flicks. It was nice to spend time with my mom. I have felt so bad about her and my dad fighting. She was always depressed.

Monday came around almost too quick. I walked to school that morning and as I was climbing the front steps of Degrassi I heard Ali call my name from behind, "Clare! Wait up!" Ali was having a hard time walking in those high heels of her's. When she finally caught up to me, I noticed Jenna was following her.

"Hey, Clare" Jenna smiled. I greeted her with a nod. "So Clare, what about Eli" Ali said as we walked up the steps, arms linked. Ugh Eli. Thanks for reminding me Ali.

"There is no Eli"

"Didn't you talk to him?"

"I did and now we're in a fight"

"I'm sorry, Clare. I'm sure you guys will figure it out. Don't worry. Who needs boys anyways" I waved them goodbye and walked to advanced English. I was defiantly dreading it. Seeing Eli's face would probably make me break out in tears but I was going to be the strong girl I knew I was. When I entered the class, my eyes automatically scanned over to Eli's seat. Of course it was empty. Who would have known? The bell rang and as everyone was taking their seat, Eli rushed in and sat in his seat. Ms. Dawes shook her head with disappointment, "Eli try to be in your seat when the bell rang. Thank you!" Eli was digging through his bag to get his materials out and when he turned his body to face the front I was a little shocked at what I saw

On the back of his neck, a little below the lower part of his skull was a huge purple bruise. It looked horrible painful. What happened to him? It looked serious. That was when all the things that happened between us on that Friday night disappeared from my thoughts.

**Eli's POV**

Going to school was probably a bad thing. First off, I had the worst headache anyone could ever have. Second, I was late and I was sure Ms. Dawes hold that against me and third Clare was there and she looked extremely pretty. I wanted to talk to her. Maybe tell her what I was feeling. No. Can't do that. That would just get her involved in my life.

At lunch Adam and I sat at our usual table. We were playing Would You Rather. It was Adam's favorite game, probably because of the fact that he could come up with insane scenarios where it would be impossible to choose.

"Would you rather die by suffocating or die by drowning"

"Eli, come on, seriously stop with the death stuff" Adam laughed.

We both laughed together. It was the first time in a while I actually had a good laugh. Adam stopped laughing when Clare came up to our table. It was silent among us. She looked at Adam and then stared at me and began to speak, "Adam can you give Eli and me some privacy". She spoke without even taking an eye off me. Adam nodded his head, "Um yeah sure" and left. She sat down in the chair across from me. I was nervous. I had no idea what she was going to say to me neither did I know what I would say to her.

"Look Eli, I like you a lot and I want to be your friend but I feel like you hiding something or maybe keeping something from me. It worries me because whatever you're going through I want to help you because… I care about you"

Wow. Well Eli, what are you going to say to that? I saw her hand placed on the table and I gently placed mine over her's.

"Clare. I'm sorry I acted the way I did on Friday night. I just don't want you to get hurt trying to get close to me. I'm afraid if I let more people into my life they will be at more risk of getting hurt.

"You're not going to hurt me, there's no possible way."

We smiled at each other. Clare got a little red in the cheeks. It was so cute. She pulled her hands away from mine and started digging something out of her bag, "Hey so um, in class I saw that huge bruise you have on your neck. What happen?" She asked

Shit. What would I tell her? Yeah my dad is an abusive bastard and beats me up on a daily basis?

"Oh Yeah I uh felt back on a chair"

She looked up at me with unconvinced eyes, "Well here I'm sure this will make it feel better" she pulled out an ice pack and a bottle of aspirin, "The nurse gave me the ice pack and I got the aspirin from my medicine cabinet."

"What would I do without you, Clare?" I asked sarcastically


	3. Chapter 3

**Clare's POV**

After school, Eli and I sat on the front step of school. He was telling me funny stories about his family. They made me giggle. He had a younger sister, Elsa. She was ten years old. It seemed that they were very close. He was the father figure she had in her life since their parents were divorced.

"Is she living with your mom?" I asked.

"Yeah. When our parents decided to split, they didn't want to go through some stupid custody battle so they let us choose who we wanted to live with. The problem was that the two of them couldn't support both of us so one of us would have to live with our dad and the other with our mom. If anything, I would have chose to live with my mom. I couldn't stand that bastard"

I could see the anger rising in him. I wanted to stop asking him questions about his family. It was his private life and I didn't have to know his problems but deep down inside of me I was itching to know more.

"If you could of chose who to live with… why did you chose your dad if you hate him so much?"

He looked at me straight in the eye. His demeanor was the serious and I could tell he was stiff.

"Because… I knew if Elsa lived with him… something bad would happen to her"

I was speechless. What was I to say? I'm sorry? I felt ashamed. All those times I thought the world was ending because I thought about my parents getting divorced and Eli was living with his father who he hated all because he wanted to protect his little sister. Compared to him, I have it good. But what he had said before, "I just don't want you to get hurt trying to get close to me" ran through my mind. Would knowing more about his personal life get me in trouble?

"Hey looks like you made up!" Adam exclaimed while coming out of the front doors. He came and sat down next to Eli. It seemed to extinguish the serious mood between us.

Eli smirked, "Yeah, and it looks like you're still single!"

"Ha ha! Very funny! It's so hard to find a girl that I can just click with" Adam remarked

Eli smiled at me and grabbed my hand, "When you come by the right girl, you'll know you have her"

Warmness filled my body. I would be lying if I said I didn't blush because I did. Adam looked at the both of us like we were crazy, "Okay well I'm gonna leave you two love sick bird alone. And Eli we're on for the comic book shop tomorrow after school?" Eli nodded, "Yup and don't be late"

The second after Adam was gone Eli put an arm around me, "Sooo, how about we go back to my place and play some monopoly"

"Is that supposed to be some sexual innuendo?"

Eli laughed, "No! I'm serious! Let's go"

We drove to his house in ole Morty. He played some Dead Hand music in the car. Of course I didn't say that I didn't enjoy it. When we got inside his house, it looked like no one was home.

"I think my dad is still at work"

"Do you think it's okay if I'm in the house when he's not here?"

"Yeah don't worry"

We played a game of monopoly and I ended up with more money than he did. He kept ending up in jail. The thought of it made me laugh. My phone buzzed and I looked at the text. It was from my mom.

"Hun. Come home please. Love you. Mom."

Eli frowned, "Everything okay?" I put the phone in my back pocket of my jeans, "Yeah it's just my mom. I have to go, sorry"

"Oh no problem, do you want me to drive you home?"

"No I'm good. I think I can walk, it's not too far from here"

He led me to the front door and leaned against the wall I lingered there for a reason I was not aware of.

"So" He said

"So" I repeated

He smiled, "I'll see you tomorrow then, at school?"

I smiled back at him, "Yes you will"

We gazed into each other's eyes for a moment's second. Very slowly, he moved his head closer to mine. I was frozen just watching him come in closer and closer until… his lips touched mine and we started kissing. Those 4 seconds felt like they went on forever. I pulled back and blushed, "I gotta go" I smiled with and lopsided grin. All he said was "Yeah" and watched me open the door and leave. When I thought I would be walking home I actually ran. I had so much energy inside me and I couldn't believe what had happened.

**Eli's POV**

Yeah okay, so I kissed her. No big deal. No, it was a big deal. Why did I do that? That was so stupid of me. I ran up stairs, turned off the lights, plopped on my bed, and gazed up at the ceiling. Those plastic glowing stars that Julia put up those still worked. Ugh Julia. What would she think of this? She would probably be so upset that I replaced her. I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed the picture frame with her picture in it. "I'm sorry Julia, but I really like Clare. I hope you're not mad" I said to the picture. Talking to the picture frame sometimes eased the pain of her absence. It wasn't going to bring her back but at least I had someone to tell my feelings to. Suddenly I heard the front door open. Shit. Dad.

"Eli! Are you home?" He called from downstairs. I got up and turn on the light and placed the picture frame back on my bed stand then I hurried downstairs. "Yeah I'm home" I said as I came down the staircase. "Good" he snorted, "I got some steak from the store on my way home from work" He tossed a bag on raw meat to me, "I want you to cook it for me" He said. I wasn't going to say no even though I wanted very much to tell him to make his own food. He looked over at the coffee table where Clare and I had played monopoly. There were open soda cans and a bag of chips on the couch. I forgot to clean it up.

"Eli, what did I tell you about making a mess?" he pointed his index finger at me. I hated when he did that. I was about to say that I forgot to clean it up until he grabbed my shirt and pulled me to the floor. I tripped on my own foot and fell on my back. I groaned in pain.

"Clean the mess up you, little shit!" he yelled and picked up the bag of meat and walked into the kitchen. I did as he said of course. I didn't want to be yelled at again. After I cleaned, I went up to my room and laid low for a couple of hours. When dinner was ready, I heard a knock on my door I opened it and saw a tray with a plate of a nice juicy steak with some mashed potatoes. We never ate dinner together. That was fine by me. I hated the man so why would I want to eat with him? After I ate, I watched some cartoons on the TV. And then I heard my door knock. I opened it only to where was a little crack, "Yes?" It was Dad and pulled open the door and shoved the house phone in my face and left, walking downstairs. I put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I said

"Hey Elijah"

I breathed with relief, "Hey Mom, what's up"

"I'm just calling to see how you're doing."

"I'm doing fine, Mom, don't worry about me. What about you? How is Elsa?"

"I'm doing well. Just got a job promotion. It's defiantly going to help us. Elsa is great she just lost her 4th tooth yesterday and she got two dollars from the tooth fairy"

I laughed at the thought of my mom putting the money behind Elsa's pillow.

"Mom, that's a lot for losing a tooth. Aren't you only supposed to get quarter?"

"Eli, honey, I'm sure you would give Elsa five dollars"

I thought about it for a second and I figured she was probably right.

"Mom, so when do you think I will get to visit you two? Maybe soon?"

"Don't think so, baby, a lot of stuff is going on right now. I'm trying to get Elsa tested for ADD. There's that and then Aunt Annie is coming to visit so I think we will just have to hold off for a while" There was sadness in her voice almost like she wanted me to come visit as badly as I want to go.

"Eh ok. I love you Mom"

"Love you too Eli"

We said our goodbye and I hung up the phone. I lay on the bed and thought about life. I missed Mom and Elsa so much. I wished things weren't the way they were.


	4. Chapter 4

**Clare's POV**

Ali and I sat in homeroom next to each other. I had my history notes out and I was trying to study for my huge exam but Ali kept poking me, "What is it?" I exclaimed a little annoyed. I knew what she was going to ask, "What's going on with Eli? I saw you guys leave together yesterday. Did you guys do it in his creepy dead person car?"

"So what's going on with Eli? I saw you both get into his car. Did you guys do it in his creepy dead person car?"

What do you know. I was right. It's amazing how much I know her. I gave her an appalled look, "Ali! You know what I think about pre-martial sex plus his car is called a hearse." She flipped her hair and rolled her eyes, "Well sorry. So what did you guys do?" I thought to myself. What did we do, Clare? "We made out" Oops. I didn't mean for that to come out. It sounded dirty. Oh listen to yourself Clare; you just kissed the guy it's not like you did the nasty. Ali laughed, "Wow! That sounds like so much fun. So are you guys like together now?" Well that was a good question. What exactly were we? I knew he liked me and he kissed me but that doesn't mean we're specifically together, does it? "I don't know, actually" I said. Ali smiled and patted my shoulder, "its okay Saint Clare. I guess you will just have to find out"

The rest of the day went by fine. A couple of times I passed by Eli in the hall. He gave me a cute little smile every time. After the bell rang for lunch, I went to my locker to get my lunch bag when Eli came up behind me and covered my eyes. "Guess who" He snickered. I knew it was him, "Hmmm is it the guy that has said nothing to me at all today except for smiling in the hallway?" he lifted his hands off my eyes and I turned around to see his face glowing with happiness. He very lightly touched my cheek, "Oh I'm sorry. I guess I should be paying more attention to my GIRLFRIEND". The way he spoke was in a sarcastic manner but he looked at me with tender eyes. He slowly moved his head closer to mine and kissed me. It wasn't as great as the last one but hey a kiss is a kiss and he sure was a good kisser.

"Well looks like the emo fag isn't gay after all" Eli pulled away and watched Fitz walk by with his group of friends. They all laughed at his remark like he was some sort of comedian. Eli glared, his fist clenched. I rested my hand on his shoulder, "Just ignore him Eli. It's not worth it". He turned back to me, "Promise me you won't intentionally try to talk to him". Ha! Intentionally? Don't have to worry about that. I smiled, "I can defiantly promise that" he smiled back at me and we walked to lunchroom hand in hand.

**Eli's POV**

I situated myself on the floor of the isle while Adam sat across from me. Adam flipped through a comic book and then looked up at me, "So you kissed her and…."

"We're together now" I finished his sentence. I tried to keep a straight face but it was hard. I hadn't felt this happy since….. well since when Julia and I were dating and that was a year ago. Adam smirked, "You two are so funny" I gave him a look, "What's that supposed to mean?" He put down his comic book, "You always come to me and say all this sappy shit about her and then she comes to me and says the same stuff. I have been waiting forever for you guys to just get together and now that it finally has I just realized that I may be the third wheel." I scooted myself across to sit next to him. I gave him a noogie, "Aw. Don't worry Adam we won't forget you"

"Hey! Stop it!" Adam laughed as I continued to push my fist into his head. He kept whining and laughing. It was a mix until he pushed me away, "Look over there!"

Down the isle-way, a beautiful tall girl stood peering through the bookcase. She was dressed well. To me it seemed like she was rich. She had a lot of un-necessary jewelry. Her brown ringlet hair was pulled into a low side ponytail. I had seen this girl before. She was a 12th grader at Degrassi. Fiona Coyne was it? She pulled out what looked like an issue of the Scott Pilgrim. Adam pulled himself out of my lock, stood up, and casually walked up to her. I followed behind him shortly.

"Have you seen the movie adaptation? It's awesome." Adam said staring at the comic book in Fiona's hands. She smiled at him and then gave him a lopsided grin, "Nah. My brother went to see it with his ex and he said it was really funny." She looked back at the bookcase almost as if she was searching for something else, "I'm actually only here to buy a present for my ten year old cousin. He loves comic books. So I figured this would be a great place." Yeah, I figured she wouldn't be here just to buy some comics for herself. Fiona smiled at us politely, "I'm Fiona" Adam nodded, "I'm Adam and this is Eli"

Fiona slyly smiled at us both, "So this is what you do in your free time, hang out in the comic book store?" To me it sounded like it was supposed to be an insult but she just stood there with an innocent smile. She was probably expecting a witty remark. Adam scratched his head in embarrassment, "Uh well Eli has a girlfriend so this isn't all he does. And for me…. I only come here on last resort. You know, like if everyone is busy or something." Smooth Adam. Way to charm a girl's heart. She laughed, "Oh yeah? Well I happen to think that nerds can be really cute and Eli, what are you doing hanging around in comic book store when you should be hanging out with her?"

"Well!" I glared at Adam, "Someone was supposed to give me an idea for where I should take her for our first day…." Fiona cut off my sentence, "You should defiantly surprise her. Girls love surprises. Take her somewhere different. Maybe someplace she loves?"

"Wow….. thanks I'll defiantly think about that" I said. Well that helped. At that very moment was coming up with the best date that Clare Edward would ever have.

I got home that night on time. I didn't want to piss ole daddy off too much. As I stepped through the door, I hung up my leather jacket on the coat rack. Dad was lounging on the couch. Five empty beer bottles sat on the coffee table. Damn he was drunk. Not good.

He looked up at me and turned off the TV.

"I got a call from your school this morning. They said you have skipped three classes. What the hell is that about!" he growled as he got up to his feet. Shit! I should have known he was going to find out.

"Why can't you just be a good kid, Eli? You know, you should stop making it so hard of this family."

"THIS IS NOT A FAMILY! Families eat dinner together. Hell! Even families cook dinner together. And for some reason I'm always the one stuck with cooking. To add to that I'm always the one cleaning this shit hole up! You're never sober to do anything!" I screamed in his face.

Dad's voice got very quiet. The sound of it was very unreal, "Eli, don't you remember why everything is this way? If it hadn't been for you, you would have still had your mom and Elsa here. But no! You had to be a dramatically little emotional teenager!" Oh, no he had not just gone there.

I glared at him with rage, "Julia died! How else was I supposed to react?" I said while gritting my teeth.

"Julia's death was the best thing that ever happened to you. She took away your life, Eli! You had a bright future but after you met her it was all downhill."

I couldn't believe those words came out of his mouth. I always knew he never liked Julia but… how could he say that?

"Fuck you" I said. Plain and simple. At that very moment I was thinking about what Julia would say if she heard me say that to my dad. 'Well put, Goldsworthy' she would probably say.

I said nothing to my dad after that and surprisingly he said nothing either. I ran up to my room and slammed the door behind me. Anger boiling in my skin and I kicked the leg of my desk in frustration. I lay on my bed, "I wish this would just all stop." I thought for a moment and then I saw my pocketknife on my bed stand. I needed a way out and there was no other way. "No Eli, don't start this again" I whispered to myself. My body stiffened and I felt numb. I slowly reached for the knife but pulled my hand back. I shook my head, "I don't care anymore!" I grabbed the knife, put the blade against my wrist and pushed.

**A/N: Hey guys! Did you watch Degrassi tonight? Omg the trailer for next week looks so good! I can't wait til we meet this Imogen girl! I don't want her to ruin Eclare's chances of getting back together :/ Anywho, I hope you liked the chapter. I had to change the rating from T to M becuase I wanted to use that line "Fuck you" from Eli to his dad and I was afraid of getting in trouble for having a T rating lol so that's why if you notcied it's M now. As stated I am uploading a chapter each night just as Degrassi premieres so I will not write durring the weekend. I'm going to take a break from the Eclare buisness lol. So check online for monday!**

**-Plurds**


	5. Chapter 5

**Clare's POV**

It was late at night. I woke up about 11ish and went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water but after that, I couldn't fall back asleep. I tossed and turned in my bed for an hour until I heard tiny clacking on my window. My first thought was "Oh my God what is that!" but then I figured it was probably just the wind. It continued so I got up and looked at my alarm clock. The time was 12:13. I went to the sliding door window and walked out to my balcony.

"PSSSSST! Clare, you're carriage awaits" Eli said standing on the grass below me. He made a gesture to his hearse that was parked on the side of the street. What in the world was he thinking? Sneaking out on a school night?

"I'm not sure my mom will be delighted to know that I'm sneaking out on a Tuesday night" I snickered. He had the famous Eli lopsided grin all over his face, "So? Your mom won't ever know". I knew what he was doing, he was challenging me. This was the moment of truth Edwards. You can either sneak out with your totally badass boyfriend or stay inside and be the good- girl forever. It's your choice.

"Let me go get dressed, okay? I'll be down in a couple minutes" I said giving him a wink. I ran back inside my room. You could say I was a little nervous I mean this was a big thing. I slipped my sleeping shorts off and pulled on my blue jeans. I debated if I should leave my white v-neck on. I decided I would but I would just pull my Degrassi sweatshirt over it. Part of my was excited but as for the other part, I was worried that maybe my mom would find out I have snuck out. I knew she was taking sleeping pills to help her sleep but how strong were they really? I tiptoed down the stairs and left the house as quietly as possible.

Eli was leaning against the passenger door, looking up at the sky.

"So this better be worth getting caught for sneaking out" I joked

"Believe me; it's going to be so worth it." He said as he kissed my lips gently. We both got into the car and we drove to the mystery location. I kept bugging him about telling me but he would budge. When we did get there I could tell this was it. The smile on Eli face was priceless. He couldn't contain his happiness I suppose.

I dragged myself out of the hearse and realized we were in an empty field. It wasn't beautiful or anything with all the weeds growing but the sky was what caught my eye. It was a clear night and so many stars shined in the sky. "Wow, Eli, this is-" He cut me off, "Beautiful? Yeah… uh this was one of the spots that Julia and I hung out at"

That made me feel a little bit awkward but ignored it.

"I would always give stars their own names" I laughed and Eli and I lay on his hood looking up at the stars. He pointed to twinkling light in the dark blue sky, "I think Eli is a good name for that one." His witty smile inspired me to reply; "Well that one is Clare" I smiled as I pointed to the star next to it. I reached for his hand and when I touched his wrist, he flinched and sat up. I was tiny bit shocked because I didn't know what I did.

"Uh, sorry did I do something wrong?"

"No." He smiled at me "You did nothing wrong."

Because Eli left the light inside the car on, I saw what scared him.

There were short little scratches on his wrist. I just kept thinking, "Oh my God what happened?"

I faced him, "Eli…..did you…"

His answer was quick and short, "No. It was my cat."

I was taken aback, "Oh. Well what's his name?"

He stuttered, "Uh. Diablo. His name is Diablo"

Figured. I should have known.

**Eli's POV**

She saw my cuts. Of course I panicked. If she found out what I did, she would know everything. I couldn't afford that. I didn't want to lose her. She was the only one I had. Lying about it and saying I had a cat was an idiotic idea. She would obviously find out that I didn't have a cat but until then I would just pretend. That was all I could do.

**Clare's POV**

The next day I was pretty tired. I managed to get home without being yelled at from my mom. When I was leaning back in my seat, trying to get a short nap before class started a tap on my shoulder startled me.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?" Adam laughed.

"No. Sorry. I'm just really tired. I went out with Eli last night"

His eyes lit up, "Oh yeah? And how was that?".

"It was amazing. I feel so safe with him, ya know? It's like nothing else matters anymore with him"

He ignored me and pulled my bag close to him and he began digging through it. He pulled out a collar with tiny skulls on it.

"Who's this for?"

"Eli."

"CLARE EDWARD, YOU KINKY SLUT!" He yelled laughing. I noticed everyone in the classroom looked at me with confused expressions. I slumped down in my seat from all the glaring eyes.

"Adam," I said ad I took the collar back and stuffed it in my bag, "It's for his cat. I saw it as I passed the pet shop and I thought he would love it"

Adam looked more confuse than any of the other students in the classroom.

"Dude, Clare, Eli doesn't have a cat. Trust me, his dad is allergic. Once Eli brought in a cat that was following him home from school and his dad literally threw the cat outside the house"

Why would Eli lie to me? Covering up for his scratches…

He was obviously cutting himself. Why hadn't I noticed before? Something was very wrong. He was in trouble. I had to do something, talk to him maybe? But he would probably just get all flustered. But I had to. I loved him. There was no chance I would let anything happen to him. He needed help.


End file.
